Sunday, September 21, 2008

A More Coherent God

One major force that guided my path away from Mormonism (and God-based religion in general) was my lack of ability to make sense of many of the gospel teachings without contradiction. I've briefly addressed the contradictions inherent in the concept of omnipotence on this blog.

Another gospel principle I struggle with in this way is perfectionism, though I suppose that's closely related to omnipotence; does perfection imply omnipotence, among other things? What happens to individual-ness upon reaching perfection (a state good Mormons are promised to arrive at in the afterlife)? Is there more than one way to be perfect? Our flaws have a large defining role in our personalities. What will it mean to lose these? According to Mormon doctrine, God was once an imperfect human on another world with its own God before becoming a God himself. We are all to become Gods of our own worlds if we are righteous on Earth. But God, as a man, must have had personal tastes and preferences. He must have preferred spending time with some people over others. He must have disliked certain people, certain things. Does He maintain those preferences even as a God, meaning that he dislikes some of His children and likes some more than others (though He loves them all), or is all personal taste necessarily replaced by a love (and like) for all, made bland by the fact that it is all-encompassing, upon becoming a God? And what about talents? Doesn't perfection imply mastery in all things? That represents the loss of another large set of personality traits.

Last week, I was reading about philosopher and Unitarian Charles Hartshorne. I think his ideas about God lead to less contradiction than those I was taught growing up:

Despite his personally irenic spirit, much of his work was polemical. Hartshorne argued on two fronts. Against classical theism he insisted that its views were neither coherent nor religiously satisfactory. He taught that the idea of divine perfection embodied in the tradition affirmed only one side of what is truly involved in perfection, that is, the element of immutability and absoluteness. But true perfection includes perfect relatedness and thus change. What remains changeless is God's perfect responsiveness to all that is changing.

Hartshorne opposed the classical doctrine of omnipotence. In its clearest form this implied that all events, just as they occur, are determined by God. This tradition cannot affirm creaturely freedom or avoid depicting God as directly responsible for all sin and evil without inconsistency. Hartshorne taught, in contrast, that God creates the conditions that provide the optimum balance of order and freedom. Within the limits set by God, creatures determine the details of what happens. Much that occurs takes place by chance interactions of diverse decision-making creatures. This, too, expresses the divine perfection.

The other front on which Hartshorne argued was against the widespread loss of confidence in reason. This expressed itself in the dominant philosophical community as an abandonment of metaphysics and of constructive philosophy generally. In theology it led to fideism. Hartshorne showed that traditional arguments for the existence of God could be formulated cogently when the idea of God for which they argued was a coherent one. He gave special attention to the ontological argument in this regard. He insisted that either God necessarily exists or it is necessarily true that God does not exist.

(From the article CHARLES HARTSHORNE: THE EINSTEIN OF RELIGIOUS THOUGHT 1897-2000 By John B. Cobb, which I read via the Harvard Square Library.)


I wonder what I would believe now had I been brought up to believe in a more "coherent" God, as Harthorne describes. Would I still have come to the conclusion that there are inconsistencies in any general idea of a God?

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Big Bang Day!

The LHC has successfully been "switched on!" My dad would have shared my excitement about this.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Social Anxiety

Today was the first day of the semester. I got about four hours of sleep last night. Why is it that when I'm overtired, I'm less anxious, more able to interact with people, more confident?

Is it because my exhausted mind doesn't over-think everything? Because I don't consider all of the possible implications of all of my actions and words, how I'm standing, or sitting, what I'm doing with my hands, what tone of voice I'm using, and how others will interpret all of this? I don't over-analyze what others are saying with their body language and tone of voice, and how I am making them feel? I don't scrutinize every thought I have before it comes out of my mouth to ensure that it is consistent with all my other thoughts and actions? I don't suppress showing emotions after deciding first that they are undesirable (which I tend to conclude that almost every emotion is)? Does a diminished mental state allow me to function better in a social environment?

Shouldn't I be able to see that over-thinking is not productive? That I simply get stuck in all of that never-ending analysis in my head and never act? Shouldn't I be able to see this and, even when not tired, refrain from stifling myself?

Friday, January 04, 2008

The Past Is Not Dead

With the start of a new year, I've been thinking about returning to The Onus. I haven't made a decision yet to write here on a regular basis again. For the moment, I've resolved only to restore my previous posts and to write here today. I will refrain from explaining the circumstances surrounding my Smoke post and from presenting and interpreting the events which have transpired between then and now. I may choose to do so in the future.

As I've been considering blogging regularly again, I've been thinking a lot about the purpose of The Onus. What purpose(s) has it served in the past? What purpose(s), if any, do I want it to serve in the future? I think in the past it has largely been a selfish endeavor. I blogged because I needed a place to freely express myself. I didn't want to worry about or even consider others' possible interpretations of and subsequent reactions to my words. I wanted to be able to write without feeling like I had to explain or justify everything or be consistent. I just needed a place to exist. I needed a place to explore. This is all still true.

Eventually I want to blog with less of a selfish intent and more of a concrete theme and purpose. But for now, more than anything, I just want The Onus to be about honesty: my honest, sometimes inconsistent, sometimes incomprehensible, sometimes ignorant, sometimes incomplete, thoughts and feelings and ideas.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Smoke

Due to currently inflamed human insecurities (and other issues inexpressible at the moment), The Onus is smoke.

For anyone who may be concerned:
I am OK. I have said in the past that I delete my blogs when I am feeling imminently suicidal; that is not the case at present.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

I Was Uplifted

A few days ago, I was reflecting morbidly on the fact that we have killed, by neglect, most of the plants friends and family gave us after my dad died.

Yesterday, my mom and I noticed, independently, that some of the tulips my dad originally planted in the yard have bloomed.

Friday, April 20, 2007

I Have No Soul

I've been in a sort of subdued emotional/mental state more often than not, at least since the start of the year. Maybe, in order to function in school and continue to not SI, I have not been allowing (trying not to allow) myself to think deeply/feel deeply. On the other hand, I don't think I consciously chose this state, and I don't think I could consciously remove it.

Everything seems surreal and I feel like I just don't care about anything. But it's different than what I would refer to as depression because I am functional (I attend class, do my work, do what needs to be done at home), and I don't feel the element of despair. Suicide is still a daily contemplation, but not out of despair. It's almost as if I equate it to choosing to turn off a movie partway through when it ceases to hold my interest.

This attitude really freaks me out.